That means taking the time to individually get to know people, but also going to where a group gathers and joining in (e.g., sitting with everyone that eats together at lunch). 10 Things to Avoid In Order to Make Friends, Why You Keep Going Back Again and Again to a Friend That Hurts You, How to Deal With a Friend Who Talks Over You, Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net. Sometimes newer groups can come across as tight and exclusive, but that's often misleading. From what some people have told me, they don't have a lot of problems making individual friends, that they can do one-on-one things with, but they also want a group of buddies to hang out with. We tend to hang out with a variety of people and sub-groups, who speak to different parts of our personality, and they're not all meant to click with each other. Here it can be important to meet your friend's friends more than once, so they get used to the idea of having you around. A good strategy for getting acceptance into a larger group is to "divide and conquer." However, they're not getting in on the fun group activities that were one of the reasons they wanted to join it in the first place. Of course, even after that you may find you still don't really gel with them. If that makes you too nervous, you could always try the next option. Every group has its own personality, and as a result you need to figure out what makes it tick. I've already written an article with a lot of more general advice about how to make friends. I'm currently working with clients who live in Ontario, Canada: Copyright © 2006-2020 SucceedSocially.com. I'm Chris Macleod. They're just a social circle. Don't use these friendships to undermine the group or start a gossip train, but instead allow one or two people to really get to know you. I guess I'm saying this because sometimes I think people think they want a group of friends, but they're not really into group outings. You could ask about future plans, and then politely. The article will share general approaches for joining groups that would already be predisposed to having you around. What can also happen is that there's already an existing social circle based around that situation, and all you have to do is join it. For one, after one meeting two people often don't have enough time to really learn much about each other (though sometimes they'll hit it off or not jibe with each other pretty quickly). This is a much more minor point, but when you're around your friends, it can also help to talk about your other ones. This is general friends-making advice that also applies here: When you're in these situations, try to organize something that gets everyone outside of the context where you've all met. Don't look that gift horse in the mouth. In fact, it's normal. In the beginning, go with the flow, even if it feels odd to you. But while all this is going on, don't give up. When people talk of wanting to join groups they usually mean one of two things by it: However it is you want to join a group, this article will give some pointers for how to do that. Again, this is just another option for meeting the group's members. It's fine if you want to join a group, but try not to psyche yourself out too much by seeing them as this awe-inspiring, imposing collection of people who you'd do anything to be accepted by. Even if everyone is nice to them, it's still more like they're perpetual guests of the friend(s) who got them into the group to begin with. Maybe at the moment you can only hang out with them through an acquaintance, or you see them around, but would never naturally have a chance to talk to them. It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation. The exclusive ones usually aren't purposely trying to be snobby. For example, if you've started an internship at a new company and there's a group of eight employees who all hang out and are similar to you, joining their group may take nothing more than asking if you can join them on break, and if all goes well, acting from then on as if you're part of the pack. Keep your appearance neat and clean. You've had enough time, and the chance to meet enough people, that you can try to mold the kind of friendship group you'd really like. I just gave a rough set of steps for joining a pre-existing group. You become friendly with one of the servers who hangs out with them. It all depends on your personality style. This often happens when a situation forces a bunch of people to hang around together for an extended length of time and get to know each other. If you don't get in with them it may be disappointing, but your life won't end. Once you're hanging out with the group on a regular basis, you're in. Acceptance Into an Existing Group Of Friends, Show Up to Group Activities and Don't Rock the Boat, Blend Images - Mike Kemp/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images, Get to Know One Person Who Can Help You Get Acclimated, Jupiterimages/ Photolibrary/ Getty Images, Log On and Make a New Friend With These Websites. Exposure and familiarity generally increases bonds between people, but it's not guaranteed. On occasion two of your friends, who initially didn't get best impression of each other, will start to get along once they've had more time to talk and realize they have more in common than they originally thought. If you do become friends with them, you can't really predict what other social opportunities are going to be unlocked by that. Try a sweater layered over a button-up shirt, and pair it with well-fitting jeans and clean, comfortable sneakers or ballet flats. If you've been at college for a month and a half, and it seems all these groups have solidified and you've missed your window to get into any of them, that's not the case at all. When people have a dynamic already established, your very existence is going to disrupt that. Of course, sometimes a group can appear closed-off, because they don't go out of their way to include you, but if you made an effort to get to know them, they'd be happy to have you. Sometimes you're in a position where you already interact with some or all of the people in a group, like if there's one among your co-workers. In newer groups everything is more up in the air and there isn't as much of that sense of, "These are the core members. On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today. Arrange to get drinks at the end of the day, or get together on the weekend. If you're currently new in town or recently out of a relationship, for example, you might notice that many of the group members were once in your shoes as well. Their idea of a fun Saturday night isn't hanging out at someone's apartment with eight other people. Even if things are totally going your way, friendship groups still take time to form and solidify. in Psychology. A bunch of people may need to hang out together over several months before they really start to think of themselves as a 'group'. You could try introducing people to each other one or two at a time (like the seeing a movie example I mentioned earlier), or you could organize a bigger get together and do it all at once. I've been writing about social skills for over ten years. What's more common is that everyone is content with the group as it is, so they feel little need to add new members. I have a Master of Social Work (MSW) degree, and a B.A. Don't be someone who has all these separate clusters of friends, but who's scared to mix them together for fear that it will be awkward, or that they'll get along too well and cut you out of the equation. Groups may have people coming and going a lot, so if they don't warm up to you right away, don't take it personally. Others are more established and set in their ways, and will tune out ideas that don't come from their long-time friends. Established groups, who may be more wary about someone they already know, are more likely to give you a chance. Getting to know new friends (no matter if you do it individually or in a group) is hard work. A guy might sign up for a club, immediately hit it off with several of the regular members, and before he knows it he's a part of the gang. For example, a new university student may not have made many friends during her first few weeks on campus, has noticed that a social circle has formed in her dorm, and wants to join. That's okay. If you're at some fun job with lots of people to meet, but you only regularly chat to one other person there, you're not going to form a larger social circle. You walk in one day, introduce yourself, and explain how you're a fan of the game and looking for a group to play with. In a third class it's just you and one of the members. Some groups are open to having new people join them. You get to know her in that class, and once you're friendly with her, start sitting with the whole group in the other two courses.
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