6,693 Likes, 406 Comments - Jenn (@str8___jenn) on Instagram: “Why are the ones that ain't shit so damn fuckable... #Ijs ♻♻@zero_fucksgirl @zero_fucksgirl ♻♻…”, Purple roses and cala lilies and green orchids by TinyCarmen on Indulgy.com. The co-worker says, "George, the ocean called. Nos partenaires et nous-mêmes stockerons et/ou utiliserons des informations concernant votre appareil, par l’intermédiaire de cookies et de technologies similaires, afin d’afficher des annonces et des contenus personnalisés, de mesurer les audiences et les contenus, d’obtenir des informations sur les audiences et à des fins de développement de produit. '", "I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one. The product sold at Kohl's poses a serious fire risk. — Kute Blackson, "When life knocks you down, roll over, and look at the stars." "I've started going up to people's doors and preaching about my new gym… It's called Jehovah's Fitness!". And for more on first dates, check out these 40 Irresistible First Date Ideas. Only if you aim it well enough! — Unknown, "Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid." ", "I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing as how you've never used it. Listed here are more than 100 alternative ways to express it. A: Three. Be ready. ", "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it. Once that is accomplished, take some time to breathe, laugh and relax. Life is always going to have its ups and downs, but we must choose to rise above any obstacles we encounter. "I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.". When you need a comeback, but still want to keep it classy... "Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should be thee." The real story behind the NCAA basketball tournament's bankable nickname. "No smartphones for my kids. "Statistically, six out of seven Dwarfs are not Happy.". If you're feeling extra ambitious and slightly willing to risk your job, there's even have zingers for the notorious cranky customer. They are called: Saturday and Sunday." Bonus: You'll also be a much, much healthier man. If you're also addicted to great memes, check out these 30 Funniest Memes of All Time. If you're talking to your company's IT guy…, If you're talking to a cat owner who thinks their pet is "family…", If you're being told by your tax accountant that you're probably going to be audited…. '", "If you can't be a good example, then you'll have to be a terrible warning." — Erbert Hubbard, "Why be moody when you can shake yo booty?" Buy the shoes." Whether it be your boss overlooking you, your car breaking down or your significant other giving you a hard time, life always seems to have a funny way of making us feel crappy. Pour autoriser Verizon Media et nos partenaires à traiter vos données personnelles, sélectionnez 'J'accepte' ou 'Gérer les paramètres' pour obtenir plus d’informations et pour gérer vos choix. It is especially easy during this time to completely give up on the situation or to soak in the negative energy. Even "I can't believe he just said that" laughter is better than more overanxious, nerve-racking silence. Yahoo fait partie de Verizon Media. — Unknown, "Don't forget to drink water and get some sun. — Unknown, "When you feel worthless, remember you were once the quickest sperm cell." but it will pass." I ignored you just fine the first time. Many people try this and for the next few hours they keep laughing by recalling what they have just done. ", "I'm sure that 90 percent your 'beauty' could be removed with a Kleenex.". We've collected 20 of the most hilarious jokes that are perfect distractions for every type of awkward scenario. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! — Unknown, "You are going to be fine. — Unknown, "Live like Spongebob, laugh out loud all day without any reason and annoy all the mean people with your happiness." Stick to a thing till you get there." 40 Funny Quotes To Live By When You're Feeling Down In The Dumps, 25 Funny Inspirational Quotes To Start Your Day Off Right, ways to get yourself to stop feeling down. Running out of ways to say you’re feeling vexed? — Unknown, "Life is like a hot bath. Jon Hamm, star of TV's Mad Men, reveals the secrets of manliness in a postmodern world. ", "If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ level. These funny quotes will seriously make you laugh out loud! ", "Listen, moron. Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. If you're a Seinfeld fan, you'll remember George Costanza being insulted by his co-worker while George is eating shrimp during a work meeting. ", "The trash gets picked up tomorrow. — Unknown, "Be like a postage stamp. The "Voice" judge reveals the reason for her new look. ", "I'm not going to pay taxes. It wouldn't make things less awkward, but at least we'd be briefly distracted by laughter. You’re in luck. As I ran low on idioms, I decided to make one up. Worth stating twice. We all have those moments when we’re feeling down. ", RELATED: The 50 Best Funny Quotes To Share With Your Most Hilarious Friends, "If someone call you boring say, 'Yeah, and what makes you so exciting? 10 Funniest Tweets About Mark Zuckerberg's Congressional Testimony. 5. 12 Best Comebacks For Your Awful Ex. I soon realized that journaling instantly made me feel better. And for more jokes, check out these 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. From general topics to more of what you would expect to find here, goodlifequoteru.com has it all. "I will literally beat the **** out of you". Life is filled with awkward moments, where we don't quite know what to say and the silence only seems to make everything worse. Alexis George is a writer who covers love, relationship advice, astrology and personality topics. We’ve teamed up with our trusty pals at the Dictionary of American Regional English (DARE) to liven up your livid language. That's your parent's job." You keep thinking to yourself, "Why didn't I say that!?" — Unknown, "This too shall pass. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group, If you just forgot someone's name or called someone by the wrong name…, If you're on a first date and it's not going well…, If you're giving a speech to a crowd full of strangers…, If you've forgotten the birthday of somebody important…, If the car mechanic is explaining what's wrong with your car and you have no clue what any of it means…, If somebody with whom you disagree politically wants to discuss conflicts in the Middle East…, If you're the only adult in a room full of children…, If you're getting dressed in the gym and the guy at the next locker keeps talking to you…, If you're getting a haircut and you're out of conversation topics for the barber…, If you're having breakfast with your girlfriend's parents and she's still asleep…, If you're making a wedding toast for a couple you barely know…, If you're the oldest (and most employed) person at a comics convention…, If you're at a dinner party and you spilled your drink on the host's rug…, If you're talking to parents you don't know at a playdate…, If your best friend wants your honest opinion about his singing abilities…, If you're in a job interview that you're pretty sure you're tanking…. George is completely dumbstruck in the moment, and it's only later on that he finally figures out his perfect comeback: "Oh yeah? — Unknown, "Life is short. Jill Zwarensteyn is a writer and Michigan native who covers trending topics, pop culture and astrology. If you don't want to get audited, these are the 5 Best Ways to Avoid Getting Audited by the IRS. OK, maybe a little harsh. Life isn't always easy, and we don't expect it to be, but, when you bring a few laughs into your day, life can get a little easier. "Before coming here tonight I was discussing my talk with my wife and she said to me: 'Don't try to be too charming, too witty or too intellectual… Just be yourself.'". This is probably the most demeaning thing you can say to someone. — Catherine the Great, "Yes, I walked away mid-conversation. As someone who is glued to their phone, I love it when I get a text out of the blue. See more ideas about Quotes, Funny quotes, Funny. ", "When somebody says that you are wrong say, 'You're entitled to your incorrect opinion.'". “I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.” – Molly Ivins “It’s just a job. You're basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions." Informations sur votre appareil et sur votre connexion Internet, y compris votre adresse IP, Navigation et recherche lors de l’utilisation des sites Web et applications Verizon Media. My mom had written a message telling me to bring some words to life, and so I did. "..On the bright side I am not addicted to cocaine." 15 Best Men's Haircuts for Looking Instantly Younger. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in. ", "I spilled some vodka on my carpet once, and I vacuumed it up, and the vacuum got drunk. I'd fly around the area of the White House and just wait. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. Browse endless inspiration and create mood boards to share with friends or save for later. To avoid further awkward wedding moments, steer clear of the 20 Things You Should Never Do at Weddings. Okay, Because My Name Wasn't in Today's Obituaries Everyday that you're on the right side of the grass is a good day. Ten easy ways to be the safest driver on the road. There's no elegant way to remove ourselves from these excruciating situations, and sometimes we wish there was just some ridiculous, punny joke to break the tension. It was my pick-me-upper. 25. — Unknown, "After Tuesday, even the calendar goes W T F." — Unknown, "Always keep your chin up... otherwise you are just looking at your boobs all day." But With The Best Comebacks To Tuck Into Your Brain, And Funny Quotes For Every Circumstance, You'll … The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear! — Rudyard Kipling, "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye." ", "When guys say 'suck it,' I always reply with, 'Sorry, small objects are a choking hazard.'". We hope you find what you are searching for! I beat people up. ", "Is your ass jealous of al that s*** coming out of your mouth? If you're tired of using the expression "good luck" to wish someone some luck and fortune, then this list is for you! Discover photos, videos and articles from friends that share your passion for beauty, fashion, photography, travel, music, wallpapers and more. I had to take the Hoover to detox." — Unknown, "Whenever you're feeling down, just remember you've won as many Oscars as Leonardo Dicaprio." When they say I'm going to prison, I'll say 'No, prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. ", "I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong. Athlete, nerd, hopeless romantic, thespian. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured. "I'll knock your *******' teeth out". Shade! And for more great laughs, check out these 50 Amazing Jokes From Comedy Legends. That energy then consumes us and can make us forget about the power we have. I’ll leave you touched. Opening the journal for just the third time in two years, I took a second to re-read the inside cover.
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